Marathon of a Mind

Awakening

2011-11-12T09:46:00.000-08:00

I realized that although my blog has been hidden in the shadows, there is a certain comfort I get from writing down what I know barely anyone if anyone at all will read. For this reason, I am coming back to you BLOG! :)

There is so much that has gone on in my life since my last post in this blog and to write down every detail of it would probably take up a gazillion amount of space so to sum it all up, I'm still the same person but with a load of new experiences! I haven't written in so long and it's kind of sad because I feel like my drive to write is slowly dissipating and that is the last thing I want! I have to start writing again even if it's for my eyes only.

This is the official awakening of my blog that has been asleep for quite a few months.. more than a year actually! I'll start updating this blog again and maybe sooner or later, I'll have the courage to publicize the link to this blog on my social network sites like Facebook and Twitter. In the meantime, this will be my own personal venting place where only a select few can read what I write. Unless of course someone finds this blog on their own. :p

Anyway, I better sleep now. Church tomorrow! Please pray for my heartbroken friend. He needs your prayers! :)

Friendly Reminder

2010-05-05T21:54:00.001-07:00

The right one is out there somewhere. :)

For now, I'm going to just let all this wishful thinking go.
I'm going to enjoy my last school year minus all this drama. I don't need it.

When it's time for him to come, he will.

God knows. :)

Tragic

2010-05-05T21:52:00.000-07:00

I don't know if this has become a trend in my blog or not, but I've realized that everytime I blog about how I feel like things are going fine - a few blogs later, I break down.
I am one of those girls that you may be driven to classify as pathetic for believing that Prince Charming will come around. I've always tried to be less of a cynic when it comes to the thought that we all have someone that is perfect for us. Someone whom we wouldn't change a thing about. Someone who is just right.

I guess I could honestly say that I've met that someone. From the moment we met I knew there was something different about him.
Was it because he was so easy to talk to? Was it that I trusted him after only the second meeting?
I don't know.

All I know is that there is one crucial thing that I realized is not right about him and it's this: he doesn't see me the same way.

Or lets just say that he sort of had feelings for me but they were fleeting feelings, since he already had someone who occupied a bigger part of his heart.

The same whole pathetic story of my life.

I messed up. Again.

The Part We Play

2010-04-23T02:59:00.000-07:00

Picture: Gabriel - a Grade 1 student with cerebral palsy.

Jeremy, an eleven year old elementary student from Stonybrook Elementary, walks into his first class of the day looking forward to another interesting lecture on literature. As he saunters toward his favorite seat in front, he realizes that a new face has already occupied the seat that Jeremy has indirectly claimed as his own. Although Jeremy is known to keep his cool, he just cannot tolerate sitting at the back, so, with all the authority he could muster, he towers over this temporary “seat intruder” in the hopes of claiming that seat in front as his once again.

“Excuse me, but you’re sitting in my chair”, Jeremy politely utters. Before his classmate has the chance to respond, Jeremy’s teacher quietly approaches and whispers – “Jeremy, let him be, that’s Shaun and he’s disabled”. At this statement, Jeremy’s anger automatically vanishes and a wave of sympathy and pity towards his “special” classmate washes over him instead.

The question here is: Who is at an advantage in this situation? Is it Jeremy, who, because of pity believed that he did the “right” thing? Or is it Shaun who, because he’s disabled, was able to spare himself from transferring to the back of the classroom? As much as we would like to think that Shaun is the lucky one, if we take a closer look at the situation, this may just be the other way around.

On April 23, student journalists from STI, Negros Oriental State University, AMA, Saint Paul’s University, Foundation University, and Silliman University had the privilege of visiting The Great Physician Rehabilitation Foundation, otherwise known as GP Rehab. This organization is recognized for providing rehabilitative care for differently-abled children. Analou L. Suan, executive director of GP Rehab, took her time to share her thoughts on how differently-abled children should and should not be perceived. It is only fitting to say that her words opened the eyes of many a student journalist in the room that day, and we walked out of there with a whole new outlook of these children who we may have unintentionally put in a rather unpleasant light.

When we see or hear of a child who is “disabled”, the tendency is to automatically refer to her/him as someone who is pitiful, incompetent, and out of the norm. We do this without realizing that this simple act of “segregation” is probably one of the worst mindsets that we may fall victim to.

“It is actually society that makes one disabled”, says Ms. Analou Suan. The moment we classify these children who may not be as privileged as us to have two arms, two legs or even clear speech as “pitiful” is the moment that we contribute to this child’s backward growth. The motivation to do well and to effectively develop as an individual, despite the presence of disabilities, is not the responsibility of the disabled child alone. We are all nurtured by our parents and by our peers to grow to the best of our capabilities and this should be no different for these differently-abled children. The moment we perceive these kids as incompetent, is the moment that we unintentionally disconnect these children from society.

What can we do as mere individuals to help make these children feel that they are just a part of society as anyone else?

First of all, we could start by simply changing the way we perceive. Before we label someone unpleasantly, we must first stop to think of the effects of these labels. We may not mean to, but we are indirectly bringing people down by the labels that we create for them. It is also important that we put ourselves in the shoes of these children; we see how they live and how they interact with others so that we begin to realize that our first impressions are wrong and the next time we come across children with disabilities, these negative perceptions would not even cross our minds.

We are here to lift each other up and my challenge for you is to do just that. Nobody is born with perfection. Consequently, nobody has the right to thoughtlessly pass on judgment to another. Think before you act may be an overused cliché, but it holds more truth than you may know.

Book-a-thon. :D

2010-04-16T11:33:00.000-07:00

I've gone book hyper over the summer.

SERIOUSLY. O_O

I walk into the mall and the first place I go to is Book Sale and I cannot, i repeat, CANNOT walk out of Book Sale unless i've bought at least ONE book. :P

My room is now packed with books and I seriously need a new book shelf. ahahaha.

Is there such a thing as novel obsession? The mere sight of a good novel is an instant pick-me-up for moi. :)

the only problem is... my money is now all going to books, what about FOOOOD?? Haha! Just kidding.

Stephen King and Anne Rice - my authors of Summer 2010. :)

realization.

2010-04-16T11:31:00.000-07:00

you can never truly get over someone unless you've told them how you feel.

trust me. :)

Confessions.

2010-04-16T01:47:00.000-07:00

I know that I may have liked you before.
The thing is, I got over you. I moved on.
Now you're reappearing in my life and saying a bunch of things that I do not know if I should classify as B.S or not.

... I must say, you've picked terrible timing.

Maria Mena

2010-04-15T23:18:00.000-07:00

I've been having a Maria Mena soundtrip today and let me just say that her voice is just awesome! :P

not to mention that her songs fit my sentiments right now.

I love Maria Mena! :D

My Awesome Plan :P

2010-03-27T00:20:00.000-07:00

While I was taking a bath, I was thinking about what I'd do this summer to keep myself busy, and at the same time distract myself from unwanted thoughts. :P

and so.. after like 10 minutes of planning, I have come up with this awesome distraction free plan for the summer. Yey! :)

After my basketball tournament is over, I plan to put this plan into action. So here goes:
Sleeping Time: 10 PM or 11 PM
Wake Up: 6:30 AM
Walk around the neighborhood with my mom in the morning when I wake up. :)
After lunch: Go to the gym for three hours.
At around 6PM: Jog at the Oval, at least ten rounds.

No, I'm not trying to lose weight, I just realized that the best way to distract myself is to keep myself active. :)

..and to stay healthy too. :)

so yeah, this is my plan. I just hope that I could actually carry out this plan! Haha! :P

what sort of things do you collect? i mean, there are just those times when we itch to collect something, anything. What's yours?

2010-03-15T19:49:00.001-07:00

I collect earrings! :)
haha. I'm not into jewelry that much but I go hyper over earring.

Another thing that I collect is books. :D

I'm also starting to collect/compile quotes that hit me, quotes that I can relate to, and quotes that lift my mood.

..and of course, I collect Patrick Star stuff because I am the ultimate Patrick Star fan. hahaha. :P

Ask me anything

formspring.me

2010-03-06T19:43:00.001-08:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/StephyMartian

Can't wait for this day. ^^

2010-03-04T22:38:00.000-08:00

Alright, time to get my head out of the clouds. It's Pol Sci time! :P

Yes, I will. :D

2010-03-04T22:37:00.001-08:00

Random Me Stuff :P

2010-03-04T22:15:00.000-08:00

I'd rather stay home and read a good book then go out and party.
I fall in love with the characters i've read in novels, but I guard my heart from reality.

When every little girl dreamed of being a princess, I wanted to be an explorer. I envied the lost boys of Neverland and wished Peter Pan would take me there.

You won't catch me playing damsel in distress. Come on, who in their right mind would kiss a frog in the hopes that he would turn into prince charming and sweep you of your feet?

Ok..

I may have wished on a star hoping that Mr.Right would come along, and maybe he has. I just don't know yet.

I have never been in a relationship although I've had many chances to be in one.
Why? I don't trust my timing. I trust God's timing.
He's saving me for someone special, i just know it. :)

I wander between the realms of fantasy and reality. I dream of a world made of chocolate, pizza, burritos.. you know, the awesome stuff. :)

Principles in life are for everyone, I have mine, and I stick to them. I know which path I want to follow, and I know who I want beside me as I walk that path - Jesus. :)

I have skills that I share with others, as well as those that I keep to myself. You won't catch me singing in a crowd, but i'll sing my heart out within the four walls of my room.

It's not that I like being busy, I'm just doing what i love. As long as I walk this earth, I plan to make a difference for at least one person. We're here to lift each other up, and I plan to do just that.

Oh, and did I mention that I just looove love? :P

Because Love is Awesome (in general :P)

2010-02-22T20:39:00.000-08:00

Quote of the Day

2010-02-21T22:01:00.000-08:00

“Serendipity. Look for something, find something else, and realize that what you’ve found is more suited to your needs than what you thought you were looking for.”

- Lawrence Block

The Plunder into the Unknown

2010-02-21T21:39:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wonder how things would be if i was able to predict what would happen next. Would i be less preoccupied? Or would that lead to even more anxiousness?

If we knew how things would work out, a lot of mistakes could be avoided.
On the other hand, knowing what happens next would mean missing out on a load of experiences.

What's scarier? Plunging head first into the unknown or knowing the results of something before acting upon it?

2010-02-21T01:09:00.000-08:00

Sarah Bareilles is just plain AWESOME.

More of that Prince Charming Folly :P

2010-02-21T00:57:00.000-08:00

Dear Mister Walt Disney,

I blame you. :P

Start the Chase. :D

2010-02-21T00:55:00.001-08:00

2010-02-21T00:48:00.000-08:00

"Don't look back, unless it's a good view"

....

if the view is bad, learn from it but don't dwell too much on it.

Remembering those Toy Cars

2010-02-11T01:53:00.000-08:00

Ellie wakes up from her dream, and she finds herself in her room in front of a load of Biology books, her alarm clock beeping as the time reads 6 o’clock AM. Wow. Ellie thinks to herself. That dream I had sure brought back a lot of childhood memories, I wonder where my Sleepyhead Teddy bear is now?
A 21 year old university student, Ellie’s days of tag, hide-and-seek, and pointless laughter are behind her. Books have taken the place of video games and low fat meals have replaced gummy worms. Sure, she still thinks about the days when life was so carefree, when she could talk nonsense and get away with it, when she could ask the silliest questions without the fear of being made fun of, and she must admit, there are times when she wishes she could go back to being or at least feeling like a kid once more.

Ellie represents every individual whose childhood days are long over, she symbolizes the people who are stuck in a point in their life where they want to be a kid again, but they just can’t. Or can they?
Is the child in you really gone for good, or has it simply remained stagnant? How many times have you ignored that kid in your heart idly waiting for that chance to break through? Whether we choose to admit it or not, a piece, or perhaps a large portion of the kids we once were are still with us today. Some show that part of themselves with no hesitation, while others conceal it by putting up a mature front. Whatever the case may be, that child is still there, and embracing him/her instead of turning him/her away is probably the most reasonable and smartest thing you could do.
Why is it so important that we hold close to that essence of childhood that we all possess?

Unconditional Laughter
We all need a good laugh sometimes, and more often than not, the best reasons for laughing are for nothing at all. The more we look for reasons to smile, the more we won’t find any. Children are a natural at the art of laughing, and they can laugh at just about anything. Your five year old cousin may be letting out an enormous amount of giggles while watching his favorite cartoon on the Disney channel, while a burst of laughter from your next door neighbor’s niece is generated out of no other reason but the fact that your dog rolled over. Children are not afraid to laugh freely, and although we may not be five years old, that doesn’t mean that we should suppress what should be let out. Laughter is a free and natural pick-me-up, and if kids can do it, why can’t we?

Fictional Heroes
As a child, it is certain that there was a cartoon character that you just couldn’t get enough of or a superhero that you looked up to. Seeing these cartoon characters on television, pictures, or in the form of figurines and stuffed toys, may still move you to excitement today. Cartoon characters are definitely not limited to children’s admiration alone, so if, by chance, your Batman collection is collecting dust at the back of your closet, by all means, display it for the world to see, but most especially for you to see, because although you may think that you’re too “mature” for those kinds of things, Batman thinks otherwise.

Senseless Sensibility
There are times when the most sensible thing to do on a boring day may seem like the most senseless of all. The next time you’re out with friends, instead of utilizing a massive amount of brain cells thinking about what to do next, let your inner child do the talking. If he/she is telling you to go to the nearest convenience store and see how many popsicles you could consume before acquiring a brain freeze, than do it! Or if the last time you’ve been to a playground was in year “nineteen- forgotten” then perhaps it’s time to pay a visit to the swing set, see-saws and monkey bars that you’ve long since neglected.

The Natural You
The main reason why we should be faced with no other choice but to let the child in all of us free is for the mere fact that for a lot of us, being a kid is as natural as breathing. We’ve all started out that way, and no matter what age you are, there are still those aspects of childhood that no matter how hard you try, you just cannot let go of. There is nothing wrong with wanting to relive awesome childhood memories, so the next time you have that urge to take out your Lego blocks, then do just that. Don’t be alarmed if you’re actually having fun, all it means is that the child in you is alive as ever, be glad. 

Random Photos

2010-02-02T19:19:00.000-08:00

..just some of the people i appreciate. :)

Belief

2010-02-02T19:14:00.000-08:00

When we're together, we will have that mutual feeling where we just know that we're meant to be together.
we won't have any doubts.
i won't be afraid.
everything will just feel right.

i'd just like to think that that special moment is coming soon. :)

I Love Him Enough to Forget About Me.

2010-02-02T18:55:00.000-08:00

Have you ever just sat down and asked yourself why it seems that we must always doubt a good thing, thinking that there just has to be something wrong? We, humans, are a peculiar bunch. It is so difficult for us to just accept things as we see it, and so we dig deeper. Once we see things in a new perspective, we wish we hadn’t pried so much after all. Is it because, we unintentionally need to feel hurt sometimes? Is this another crazy antic of human nature that involves actually wanting our hearts to be crushed?

I think so.

It takes a battered and bruised heart to realize that in life, we will always fall into traps. We cannot trust ourselves alone; we cannot rely on just us. We are insignificant. We are stupid. We make wrong assumptions. We disappoint ourselves on a daily basis. We are curious, and that curiosity can sometimes leave our hearts crushed in the end. We are nothing – well, almost.

It is when we are at our lowest that we realize that no matter how unworthy we are, no matter how dumb we may be. We are still loved. We are loved by a Man who does not have any reason to love us, yet he does. It is because of Him that we may be able to rise up after every stupid mistake we’ve done. He makes us whole. He is all we need in the end. Jesus is walking with us every step of the way; we just need to hold on to him. There are times when our shoes will be muddy from the dirty paths we may have crossed. There are also times when we’ll be stepping on white sand. No matter the hour, He is there. Not because we want him to be, but because by His grace, he chooses to open our hearts to let Him in.

We must never let our problems get too heavy that we forget that we have Jesus Christ in our lives. He is grabbing on to our hands so tightly that even if we may have stumbled and let go of Him, He is still holding on, and he will not let go.

It’s time for me to forget these ridiculous problems, I may still be hurt, I may have been so wrong, but you know what? Jesus loves me.

..and he loves you just as much.

The Profoundness of Goodbye

2010-02-02T18:45:00.000-08:00

Has there ever been a time when you thought you’ve found the person you were meant to be with? You were so sure of how it would all turn out. Everyday you’d have a smile plastered on your face because you knew that there was someone waking up and thinking of you too. You know that feeling where you believe that you are the only one he treats in that special way? The butterflies in your stomach just keep fluttering around no matter how many times you’ve spent time with him. You feel as if you’d never get tired of his smile. Just one text from him could brighten your day and you feel this bizarre, vast, emptiness every time he is away. Do you know that feeling?

Many of us have been sucked into the idea that one day; we would meet that man who’d make us feel like we are the only girl in his life. That man who would wash away all doubts from our mind. Doubts about whether or not we are thin enough, or pretty enough or just plain good enough. We all have our share of insecurities, and every girl dreams of the man who would make us forget those insecurities. The man who would see in us something so beautiful that even we cannot deny its presence. The man who would not miss a day without reminding us of how beautiful we are and would make it his own personal mission to turn every frown we emit, upside down. Have you found that man? Has there ever been a time when you thought you’ve met him only to realize that it was all an illusion, like a story that seemed to have the perfect ending, only to realize that the best pages were torn out?

When this happens, who’s to blame? Is it the guy who gave you these false hopes? Is it the girl who stole his glance? Is it you?

As much as we would liken to deny it, more often than not, we are the cause of our own miseries. We are the reason why we are so unhappy. We are the reason why we spend enormous amounts of energy crying our hearts out over a boy who’s probably already moved on with his life.
What can we realize from all of this? When our hearts are broken, torn, and shattered into a million tiny pieces, is there still room for repair? Are we responsible for repairing our hearts? Perhaps you think that who we really need is the right man to patch everything up again. As much as I would like to believe that there is a man who would never ever make us feel hurt, I must admit, there is no one. I too have been subject to this heart hardening fact yet through it all; I am reminded of something so beautiful. I am reminded of the fact that although we may never find a man who could render our hearts one hundred percent whole, we have someone much greater than that. We have Him. We have our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Through Him, we are beauty beyond compare. Without Him, we are nothing but another lost and wretched soul, blinded by the illusion that we could find a person who could love us more than Jesus does.
Saying goodbye to the man you thought you loved may pierce your heart like a sword. However, the intensity of goodbye could be that key to unlocking the door that kept you from falling completely in love with Jesus. That goodbye may help you to realize that who we need in our life is not a man who could show us the world, for the world is fleeting and in disarray. Who we need is a man who would walk with Jesus in faith. A man who would put Him in the center of the relationship; believe me, when you find that man, you will feel beautiful everyday. Not because of him, but because of your Savior Jesus Christ. Smile, because He loves you and because He’s created someone especially for you. 

to you, yeah you. :)

2009-10-31T20:24:00.000-07:00

.. and I hope I'll be there when you do.

Promise.

2009-10-31T19:40:00.000-07:00

Dear Stephanie,

This semester, I promise to cut you some slack. I will let you relax once in awhile but I'll make sure that you're still on track.
Procrastination will be in your vocabulary no longer.
You will take chances, you won't be afraid to try new things.
You will be a good leader, and accomplish all the plans you set out to do.
You will be assertive and make sure that your voice is heard.
You will lessen your 'attitude problem' moments.
You'll do well.

YOU will be OKAY if he leaves.

signed,
Stephanie. :)

but if he stays, that would be just as awesome. ^^

What if?

2009-10-31T19:34:00.000-07:00

I just hope that this will never happen. Wait, be patient, and don't rush into things. There are some mistakes that we can do without. :)

Open Letter to Whoever it Is God Has Planned For Me

2009-10-14T10:13:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr-Right (cheesy),

Before we meet, or if we have already met, there are some things you should know. I'm telling you this because when we do cross ways (if we haven't already), I want you to remember these things so as you will not be caught off guard. I am not perfect - far from it. I'm probably bordering imperfection more than I'd like. I disappoint myself on a number of occasions and I wouldn't be surprised if I disappointed others as well. Most importantly (and the most unfortunate of all) I have disappointed God more times than I could remember. I am sorry for the times that I have caused all these disappointments and I am sincerely trying to become better, but sometimes, I just need you to be there to understand.

Understand. Yes, I am very hard to be understood. I am probably not like other girls you may have met in the past. I long for romance yet when romance comes knocking - i tend to close the door. I am afraid and i direly need somebody who will conquer this fear. I am afraid to love and I am afraid to be loved. I am afraid to commit to you because when I do, you will be the first boy I have committed myself to. I am afraid not because i can't commit, but rather, I am afraid to make the mistake of establishing a commitment with the wrong person. I am afraid to be hurt and rejected. I know this is immature and I know that pain is a part of life, but to tell you the truth - i don't want to allow myself to be hurt by you. I have always been considered as the strong one. My friends lean on me when they break down. I've always taken pride in being able to hold my emotions together, so believe me - I am not quite prepared for what is happening now. For the first time, i have fallen in love with you and believe me, I did not expect this to happen. Falling in love is foreign to me so the fact that for once, I have readily opened my heart to you is something big. Please don't take this for granted.

Despite the fact that we are together, there are times when I just need you to be a friend. Yes, I know the -sweet, holding hands, being a couple gibberish- will be present, but I want you to know that I do not want our relationship to be all about the kilig moments. I want you to be someone i can goof around with, someone who will not forget that he was a child at one point and someone who will keep some of that "child" in him. I want to play video games with you and tease you when you lose. I want us to laugh together over something as silly as who trips more often. When I get annoyed over something, I don't always need you to side with me, but sometimes I just need you to help me lighten up. I'd like you to be able to keep up with me, someone who could shoot hoops with me or kick a soccer ball around. I'm not a lazy person and I just hope that you aren't either.

I can be difficult at times, so when I start to close up and get all distant, please do not give up on me. Sometimes all I need is that extra push, because in all seriousness, I do need help when it comes to opening up. I want to be able to talk to you about anything and I want you to do the same. :)

I hope you could be spontaneous once in awhile, I'd love you for that. I'm a girl who's watched a little too much fairy tales growing up, and just like any other girl - I long for someone whom I can call my prince charming. Now this doesn't mean that I want you to go all sappy on me - no way. But when you make me feel special, it helps a lot.

I don't want to tell you all that I'm hoping you would be, because I love you for who you are. When we are together, I hope to feel certain about my decision to fully open the door to my heart, and I hope you won't just leave with that door ajar.

I don't know if we've met already but if we have, I hope God will open my eyes wide enough for me to realize who you are.

If we haven't met, well all I can say is: See you soon. :)

(You've made me write the cheesiest thing ever, and only you could make me do something like that, so you better feel special . :P)

From,
The Girl Who's Patiently Waiting. :)

Their Love Story

2009-05-10T08:44:00.000-07:00

She lived in San Joaquin Village.
He lived on San Joaquin Street.
They both taught for a living.
The only difference was..

They were teachers on opposite sides of the world.
He was teaching English Literature, She was teaching the English Language.
He thought of entering a pen pal program with his class, so did she.
His students were to exchange letters with students from another country.
Her students were tasked to write to students with cultures different from theirs.

He joined the pen pal program with his class,
she did too.

He met Her.

As His students wrote to Her students,
He wrote to Her.

When the pen pal program was over.

She continued to write to Him..
and so did He.

They became good friends through the exchange of letters.

He was curious about Her country.
She was curious about His.

One day..

He decided to visit the country He heard so much about.

and it was in this country..
that He fell in love.

He met Her face to face.
They got along so well despite their differences.

BUT..

He had to go back.
She was devastated.

They continued writing to each other.
He knew She was the one for Him.
She was sure She'd met Her soulmate.

and so..
He went back.

..

he proposed.

and until now my Mom and Dad are happily married.

if one just one part of their love story had been altered, I may never have existed. 0.0

Happy Mother's Day Mommy! :D

Waiting for the moment when word will change everything.

2009-05-09T06:21:00.000-07:00

Since time immemorial, I have been the person who is most difficult to convince.
I barely ever believe what people tell me unless it is told in a direct, straight to my face manner, and even then i'm skeptical.
Could this be the reason that, until now, I am still searching for that one word or deed?

There is a barrier in my heart that is so hard to break, a wall that many a valiant man has tried to destroy, but to no avail.
they've pounded.
they've hurled rocks its way.
some have even tried the easy way and they merely knocked.

still,
nothing has worked.

yes..the wall my have swayed, but it never gave way.

and where does this leave me?

lets just say i'm still waiting for the power of one person that can shatter that wall to pieces. :)

things in the mind can be so hard to say.

2009-05-07T05:03:00.000-07:00

Because I had such a hectic day and I more or less flunked my litt exam (my fave subject) , i've decided to go emo. Haha.

I just realized that there are so many things in life that are left unsaid. So many things that people wished they had told someone else when they had the chance.
our mind is composed of thoughts that we just cannot put to words.
for others.. we can put 'em to words, but the difficulty comes in when we actually try to relay these words to the person who we wish heard them.

i am the type of person who just cannot for the life of me, tell people how i feel.
yes, there are times when I can tell people how I feel about other things not involving them. However, when it comes to wanting to tell others how I feel about something directly related to them, I just can't do it.

Until now, I cannot even speak one word to a certain someone who happened to be my crush in H.S. haha. we knew each other for four years and until now when I see him during batch reunions, no words come out. (here i go again, talking bout my h.s crush). haha.

Until now, I cannot tell my parents that there are times when my feelings get hurt because of some things they say.

Until now, I can't just tell a certain someone that he is going way overboard.

Until now, I can't tell 'you' that there are certain aspects about the "old you" that I miss, and sometimes I wish the person i knew before would come back.

Until now, I wonder why you never understood my side.

Until now, I wish I could tell you that what you are doing is against everything that you advocate, it's hypocrisy.

Until now, I can't even begin to figure out what it is that's lacking in this life i'm living now. what it is I want. :|

The Deal.

2009-05-06T06:00:00.001-07:00

And i thought summer class would be fun.. T_T

this is me before summer class:

"ohhh!! i am soo excited for summer class to start! philo, litt, ethics! i love all those subjects, learning is fun. i don't see why people always complain. blah blah. -insert nerdy i love school statement here-."

this is me during summer class:

"when will this end? what is wrong with my philo teacher?? i'm so stressed, why did i even enroll into summer class to begin with?"

yup! i have the tendency to get super psyched about things only to realize that it is not all that. i'm such an annoying indecisive person sometimes. seriously. i try to defy what other people generalize as "boring" and like to think that I can view things in a positive fun manner only to realize that i'm just like the others. another irony! yey! :P

actually..

i would have enjoyed summer class if it wasn't for my annoying philo teacher who thinks that women just want to get raped cause if they didn't then they wouldn't wear shorts. argh.

i can't get over that statement.

this is such a disorganized post with random rants. haha. i'm actually really busy, i have two exams tomorrow and a report. no sleep.

i'm out.

The Aftereffect

2009-04-19T08:00:00.000-07:00

So I was bored one day in my religion class and started scribbling a bunch'a words in my notebook.
lol.
t0 my surprise when i reread what I wrote it wasn't ALL nonsense. hahaha.
So yeah.. this is what I unconsciously wrote in my notebook one day:

Staring at the shadows of my past
Watching as they fade by the suns rays
One could never fathom the dread felt
When moments you've held just slip away

Past- we all have it, we are all a part of it. Some of us want our past to repeat itself. While for others, their pasts are like pages in a book that they'd rather have torn out. Why is it that it is so hard to let go of our past? What is it about the present that is so hard to grasp? When we were born, and as kids, we had no past to dwell on. Life seemed so easy then. However, as adolescence hits us, we begin to learn that for some of us, the present is a little hard to live in. So we either set our eyes to the future or live in that non-existent past that may or may not have happened.
Contentment is something that is hardest to establish. Sometimes we never fully develop it. As long as we still have things we want to achieve or goals left hanging.. we will never be content.
Maybe that is why living in the present is so hard to do. And when hopelessness stumble toward us and our spirit breaks down because we stop believing in ourselves, some of us would rather just bask in the shadows of our past or be blinded by the present and focus too much on the future.

Live in the moment. After all, what happens today will be part of your past tomorrow. So why wait until tomorrow to relive what you could live today? :)

Think about it.

(the day i emoted in religion. hahaha.)

patrick star intervenes.

2009-04-18T06:35:00.000-07:00

and so the every day routine starts...

i arrive home.
lock the gate.
go upstairs.
and facebook.

:P

so this entry is inspired by my recent status message in facebook: stupidity. :D

when we hear the word 'stupid'.. i'm sure alot of us would come to associate it with something negative. a term we would not want people to see us as. and its true for the most part. however, there is something about stupidity that i just, shall we say, admire. :)

i confess that I am the type of person who probably makes a stupid mistake at least once a day. Either that or the fact that I can be totally oblivious to certain things may come off as plain stupidity. i am sure alot of people can attest to that. haha.

my "stupidty" comes in various forms, there's the:
*what-are-we-talking-about/i'm-lost stupidity
*did-i-just-say-the-wrong-thing? stupidity
*i-just-tripped-up-the-stairs stupidity
*not-another-clumsy-moment stupidity..

..etcetera, etcetera. :P

am i frustrated by all this patrick star-like behavior? NOT AT ALL! :D

i've come to realize that stupidity is actually a part of all of us. we all possess that quality and whether we refuse to accept it or not, it's there. why should we be ashamed of our stupidity? it just goes to show how perfectly human we are. :)
good healthy, stupidity is actually good for the heart. we all need a good laugh once in awhile and admit it, some of the best laughs you've had were probably initiated because stupidity somehow crept in. :)

embrace stupidity! give it a hug, a pat on the back, and thank 'him/her/it' for making your days a little more.. abnormal? haha. :P

difficult.

2009-04-11T23:11:00.000-07:00

This summer, i've had many 'turning points'.
I realized that I was not exactly going the right way before, even when I thought i was.
This summer, I'm going to try my best to go back on track, i need to.
and I know I have an AMAZING Jesus Christ who can help me. ^^

but here's the thing..

I do not need "certain people" forcing me into things just because "certain people" may think that they are more ahead or maybe have grown more than I have.

I do not need to take sides with "certain people's" ideas when it is all more or less ideas meant to bash another person.

and I shouldn't have to feel bad about disagreeing with "certain people's" thoughts on things, they do not even realize how self-righteous they are becoming.

:(

certain people = certain person.
yup..i'm actually just pertaining to one person.

this person should know that I've just about had it.

stalker dude

2009-04-02T05:35:00.000-07:00

so.
yeah.
uh-huh.
well.
right.

O.O
...

it's officially summer! :)
well, actually summer officially started on March something or other. but whatever. who cares. lol.

ANYWAAAY.

I'm writing a post even though I have nothing in particular to write about. :/
Hmmm.. Lemme think.

*thinking*
*thinking*
*still thinking*
*POP, something came to mind!*

so today is the day that I will mark as the day i saw mr.creepy-stalker-dude-who-just-does-not-seem-to-dissapear! :(
Since I was in first year, I've been having this creepy middle aged man who like seriously follows and stares at me in a very creepy way.
He's not even discreet about it. I had a lot of creepy moments with this dude and that is why i brought pepper spray wherever I went.

Well.. the past seems to be repeating itself because he is at it again.
I was returning a movie at video city and he popped out of nowhere and was like just standing in front of me, staring!
I was kinda nervous, but i think my anger was overruling my fear and I gave him the meanest glare I could muster.
He knew i was mad, but he didn't stop the freaky behavior.
I'm so glad my friends arrived, I think it scared him off.
I just don't know what I'm gonna do now. He's at it again. I thought this was just gonna be a first year thing. :(

samoka oie.

2009-03-01T04:46:00.000-08:00

I'm stuck in a routine that I should break.
seriously!
I don't know what happened, but I feel like I'm doing everything the wrong way.
I'm sleeping when I should be awake.
I'm awake when I should be sleeping.
I have a totally unproductive day with absolutely nothing to do.
and on another day I am flooded with so many things to do at once that I have entirely no rest for literally the whole day.
When i'm in the mood to study there is nothing to study for and when I need to study I don't want to.

i'm such a contradictory person, i know.

something that has to change...at least a bit. :)

The Leak of Inspiration

2009-02-07T02:19:00.000-08:00

The pitter patter of rain on the window would have been relaxing on a day where one could just lie in bed, listen to the rain and doze off to sleep.
Nothing to worry about.
No plans but relaxation for that day.

BUT ALAS.

Just as calmness was settling in, a drop of water falls on your head.
Confusion washes through you.
Rain? In the house? Isn't rain supposed to be confined to the outdoors?
Not in that house it wasn't.
The staircase was subject to rain, the washrooms and bedrooms too.
What made that case even more dissapointing was the fact that the house was supposed to be newly built.
Expect the unexpected. :P

---

That was just one weird occurence that happened today in our new home. :/
I'm just glad that the rain has stopped for now. Mother Nature does have mercy. Hehe.
I was complaining about how water was mysteriously leaking into our house until a thought flashed through my mind..

What about those who have no shelter?
Or those whose shelter is too weak to withstand the heavy rain??
What will happen to them? How will they be able to handle it? Tonight as they go to sleep, they will be sleeping on a wet bed cause they have no where else to go. T_T

How can I complain when this situation is nothing compared to what others are going through.
You know what?
I am actually GLAD that our house leaked today, made me realize that something that may seem so trivial to one person could be what another is wishing for.

APPRECIATION. We all need to learn this value.

on a whim.

2009-02-06T18:00:00.000-08:00

She wakes up one morning to the sound of her alarm and wonders if she should go back to sleep.
Delaying her alarm has been her daily habit, knowing that it shouldn't be.
She forces herself out of bed and after looking in the fridge, decides that she will just drink chuckie for breakfast. Contemplating on what to wear, she throws on what she is most comfortable in and drags herself to the subject she hates most.. BIOLOGY. *da, da, da, da!!*

Coming home from school, she realizes...

That:

She lets things go without giving it second thought and her indecisiveness has been unbearable even to herself. When she thinks she's got it all figured out, something or someone pops out of nowhere and makes her rethink her whole decision causing her old decison to evaporate and a new one to arise.

She is still on a quest to know herself better, no matter how many times she tells herself that she's got it all figured out. she doesn't. not one bit. She knows that no one can help her figure it out, she's got to do it on her own. She believes that to know the self is the greatest challenge one can encounter, but she will face that challenge with a brave front although inside she is a little afraid.

She's got alot of things she wants to accomplish, alot of goals and ideas in her head. If she could somehow figure out a way to start then she knows that continuing would be a piece of cake.

She says she doesn't need a special someone to be happy but inside she longs for someone to love and for someone who will sincerely love her as well.

She knows that happy endings are usually a fairytale fantasy but she still dreams of that happy ending and wishes that in some way, she could have her own disney story. :)

Despite the challenges and obstacles she's encountered and is yet to encounter. She knows she'll be ok and as long as she's got Stephanie Denise Martin a.k.a Herself to back her up, everything will fall into place. :D

On the Brink of Actually Making a Proper Decision. :)

2009-02-06T17:50:00.000-08:00

Little Miss Indecisive over here *ehem* has finally decided that she will shift to literature because she doesn't know why she is even in psychology in the first place. 0.o

---

haha.. yep, yesterday I decided to go to the English department and ask if they have a curriculum for Literature in Silliman, and to my surprise they did!:)

After reading through the subjects that Litt offers I got so psyched and knew that i just had to be in this course. My dad agrees with me and thinks that is the course for me as well.
So I may double major or take a certificate course in psych. i don't know.
but one thing's for sure. I am SUPER EXCITED for next sem! Lit, Lit, Lit!!:DD

Night Time Revelation

2009-02-05T07:00:00.000-08:00

It's funny how at this particular time, as the day's about to end, my mind starts to work full speed. Loads of thoughts come to mind. I start to wonder why things are the way they are, I start to think about where I'm headed and you know what? It can get overwhelming at times. :P
that's why I have you dear blog! yey!

Anyway..

I was thinking about how people always want others to "fight for them". In relationships or in would-be relationships. When one feels as if one's significant other is not fighting for them they start bawling their eyes out. They go a la Brooke in One Tree Hill when she tells Lucas that she wanted him to "fight for her", complete with the dramatic pause and pained expression. Then sooner or later the "fight for me" issue turns to Lucas when he realizes that he's been doing all the fighting and still Brooke turns away. See?
Why do people always have to depend on others to be brave for them, to be strong for them? To be their "knight in shining armor"? I think it's time we learn to fight for ourselves instead of waiting to find that someone who will face the fight for us. If we were all waiting in line for that one person to come down and swoop us off our feet into a fairytale land where we have that prince who fights for us to no end and vice versa then we'd be going nowhere. Why? Because we'd ALL be waiting in line, the fact is we are all waiting. Boys and girls alike. Some guys may say that they'd love to play the role of knight in shining armor, but in the end, they want to be fought for as well.
We have become dependent on others because we feel as if we are not strong enough. not brave enough. Let go of that mindset. If you know that you need to work on your courage then work on it. Don't wait for someone to do it for you.

----

This post is for me as well, because even though I wish this wasn't so, I too am a victim of the 'girl with her head in the clouds' waiting.. waiting.. and STILL waiting for that person who'd be strong enough to fight for me. Maybe when we learn that to do that is a never ending task we could then realize that we are actually ok on our own. :) We don't need someone to fight for us in order to be brave. However, to have someone who can be brave with you is a different story all together. ^^

Moments.:D

2009-02-04T06:45:00.000-08:00

"Most of our life is a series of images. They pass us by like towns on the highway. But sometimes, a moment stuns us as it happens. And we know that this instant is more than a fleeting image. We know that this moment, every bit of it, will live on forever. "

This quote is taken from one of the shows I love most -- One Tree Hill.
Now you may think I'm just another fanatic of some show with cute guys and corny love stories, but what seriously gets me hooked to this show is how much it gets me to think.

Here's what i realized after hearing this quote:

In life, there are a lot of moments that just pass us by unnoticed. In one day, there are times where it seems as if there is remotely nothing that is worth remembering. We then move on to the next day, and it is the same array of events that unfold. Nothing strikes us, nothing awakens that spark of curiosity inside.
But then, out of nowhere, we are stunned back to reality or maybe pushed to the surface of our dreams as something out of the ordinary happens, something that breaks our routine. Something that may stun us to silence, or make us scream in relief. Something all of us are waiting for. That moment that will put all other moments in the shadows. That moment that is not just passing by but is there to stay. Now for one person that momentous event may be when you steal that very first glance at the person you are meant to be with, for others it might be the witnessing of an event that would make you change your whole perspective in life. Or it may be something as simple as finding a candy wrapper on the street that brought back the memories that you needed most at the time. Whatever it is, that moment is there for a purpose. Some of you may have already experienced this, others may be waiting for that moment to come. As for me, i'll be paying a little more attention to the fleeting images of life that flash before me, as for you, I hope when you find that special moment, you'll cherish it, and never let it go. :)

My observations of the ironies in life. :)

2009-01-29T19:00:00.000-08:00

We ignore the truth and believe lies.
When we were kids we were so excited to grow up and now that we're grown up we want to be kids again.
We want to start so many things but end up not being able to finish them.
We don't get to do what we really want but then end up getting something better.
We don't want to say how we feel yet get angry when we are not understood.
We do things that seem right at the moment, then wish we'd never done it the next day.
We try so hard to help others that we sometimes forget to help ourselves.
We feel like something's missing but we don't know what it is.

These are my revelations of life's ironies as of today. Since i love irony, i'll be posting some new observations from time to time. :)

feel free to disagree to what I post, and please send me a comment if you can think of other ironies in life. :D i'll add it to my posts and of course i'll acknowledge the source. :P haha.

2009-01-25T17:47:00.000-08:00

10 things that start with the letter T.

Teletubbies. Haha! whoa! I cannot believe I actually though of that first. As a kid i was one of the victims of this creepy show. lol. If you've ever seen this, you'd realize that it really does have a hypnotic effect on you and you'd have a hard time changing the channel even if you don't like what you're watching. haha. weird eh? *breaks into song* tinky winky, dipsy, lala, poe! teletubbies! teletubbies! say ello, e-oh!! :P

Time. Sometimes i wish that time would just slow down. It feels like i've got so many things to do and so little time to do it, and believe me. that could get really frustrating. :)

Toons. What can i say? Hehe. The kid in me will never get tired of watching cartoons or 'toons all day long. haha. :P..i could watch patrick star's stupidity for the whole day and i wouldn't get bored. then again, i LOVE patrick star! haha.

Tinkerbell. My roomie Ia has this major obessession with Tinkerbell. haha. Since i see tinkerbell almost everyday its hard to not have it come to mind when thinking bout stuff that starts with the letter "T". haha.

Thingy. Haha.. my substitute when i can't remember the word i'm supposed to say, the word 'thingy' is more than likely to pop up at one time or another if you have a conversation with me. Either that, or thingymabob. lol

Tigger. I've been associated with tigger cause of my jumpy personality. haha. I tend to get really hyper sometimes and i can get others to be hyper as well. People say i'm charismatic. am i? harhar. well i don't know, but i do like to have a postive outlook in every aspect of my life and stay happy. like tigger!!^^

Toblerone. Toblerone is chocolate. i love chocolate. :) end of story. haha.

Tennis. I remember my tennis clinic days. haha. the reason for my d0ra hair! argh, what an embarassing revelation. lol.

Turtles. oh the cuteness of turtles! especially the ones in disney films. haha. if i could i'd collect every turtle character i see in disney movies cause they are just SOO adorable. i.e. the turtle in FINDING NEMO. haha.

Themes. I remember the time when I'd get like super addicted to downloading themes to my phone. haha. oh, the uwat-ness of having a new phone. :p

yeeeey!! im finished with my Ts! your turn! :D

Where do I go?

2009-01-25T17:40:00.000-08:00

"And I'm.. screaming into the dark, searching for an answer. Where do I go from here?"

My fave line from one of my fave songs, Where Do I Go by Marie Digby. :)
Can you relate to this line? I certainly can. hehe.
I guess there are times when i can get totally confused about what to do next because my interests pile up and i dont know which interest i should prioritize first. How do people figure it out? How do they know when they've found what is truly meant for them? I feel like i'm at this point in my life where im confronted with not only two paths but a gazillion others as well.
what path am i supposed to follow then?

irony can be such a pain

2008-12-22T19:46:00.000-08:00

December 22, 2008.

A day that I'd rather just forget. :(
but how could i forget something i've written down? you see, sometimes the irony of life is that the things we want to forget are those that we remember and those that we really want to remember we end up forgetting.

argh.

San Isidro, Bais

2008-10-17T03:16:00.001-07:00

For the people of San Isidro, Bais:

A soft smile as i pass your way,
a promise to be back someday.
A speckle of hope flashed cross your face,
is it enough?

A warm hug to get you through the day.
Love and care i threw your way.
Is it enough?

When hopelessness seems unbearable and the sea of promises are broken,
is there still a reason to smile?

but despite all waves of doubt,
and all walls of belief so ready to be crushed,
the spirit of faith burns through you,
smiles etch your faces,
& i know for you,
it is enough. :)

What I Wrote on the Bus Going to Cebu. :P

2008-10-17T02:59:00.000-07:00

because of my complete and utter boredom on my trip home, and because gus who had been writing poem after poem the day before, I attempted, i repeat ATTEMPTED to write a couple of poems myself. lol.
who knew that i'd find inspiration in something as simple as a boring trip?:P

The Irony of a Non-Believer
With a closed mind and a closed heart, she let love swiftly pass.
Stuck and reluctant her mind was 'til the distinct whisper of his words tiptoed before her deafening ear.
The doors of belief so tightly shut, snapped open allowing his words to meander to her numb heart that once again could feel.
It was then that his words turned back and took a different route,
away from her heart, away from her.
and that girl, that girl who'd stray from truth sat in bewilderment as she believed love's fallacies and ignored the willing heart.
the irony of a non-believer.

so i sort of related this "poem" to myself.. in the sense that time and time again i find myself closing my doors to love. People tell me they love me and i just stare at them in disbelief. Ever since i could remember, i always thought love was for sissies. it was all mush, a myth. something that i could never be a part of..until i decided to slowly open my door to the poosibility that love could exist. yes steph, it can. and you know what i realized? what makes love even more beautiful is the fact that it is soo rare. real love is so hard to find nowadays and sometimes we get fooled by love's fallacies. what's even more ironic is that we tend to look past the real thing more often than not. so yeah, i guess i'm just gonna completely open my heart to letting love in. i am not going to continue being detached from my emotions. yey for me! haha. wish me luck. ;)
(corniness) hehe.

stephy, say hello to campus amba! yeeey! hehe. :DD

2008-07-27T04:47:00.000-07:00

FINALLY, i'm in SUCCA. lol.

expect the unexpected. :P

2008-06-28T01:07:00.000-07:00

ouu.. shocking!! i'm actually blogging despite my "hectic" schedule. haha. :P
I was rereading my previous posts and honestly, some were quite embarassing. haha. like seriously..what was i thinking?! i guess that's the beauty of a blog huh? lol. Well, in my post before this, i said alot of things which have changed. Like the fact that i'm not staying in Larena, in fact, im back at carson! hurrah! Larena was okay and i actually liked nanay (our dorm manager), i only had a prob with the fact that some dormers are not as friendly as in carson and i don't think i can survive with the silence of my room. haha!! when i went back to carson, everybody seemed so much more approachable and i'm really glad that i'm back. :D
Regarding the weekly sillimanian, well.. i'm not a writer for it. They were only looking for newws writers and that is SO not my forte. i just find the whole process a bit unfair though. I mean, they interviewed us but they didn't make us write. so how would they know if we qualify or not? The fact that i was staying at Larena at the time that i applied was probably a minus factor for the editor cause i wouldn't be able to work late cause of our curfew. Howver, i'm in carson now, and our manager is more flexible when it comes to curfew. I just hope that SOMEDAY i'll get a chance to write for tws.
What i didn't expect was that i'd be in the varsity team here at SU. haha!! it was really surprsing when i was told that i was in the team cause i wasn't taking my try outs seriously. sheesh! haha.
the training is kinda tiring. but at least i can brush up on my basketball skills now. i love the irony of life, i don't get accepted into one thing, but ironically, i get accepted into something better. haha. for me anyway, cause im a sports addict. lol. i would still love to wrote for tws though. the sad thing is, i'm not REALLY good at anything in particualar. I'm always just ok.

I'm planning to join UNYAP as well. I just have to work on the requirements. which is alot! they say that they want to acquire alot of people who have that drive to make a difference and i am certain that i am one of them. What i DONT understand is the fact that they require so much out of us. I mean, does it really matter what you've achieved in the past in order for you to help make a difference? I just hope that i get to be part of UNYAP cause it is something that i always knew i was interested in. my dream job would be to work for the UN and i am not easily discouraged. no matter how many pessimists tell me that the MDGS won't work, it doesn't break down my spirit cause I KNOW that with determined people, it WILL work. I just hope i can be one of them.

well.. that's all for now. at least i updated my blog,. yey for me! :D

goodbye to summer and hello to new experiences? haha. :P

2008-06-09T00:33:00.000-07:00

I just realized something. something sad. no, it's not that summer is just about OVER, it's the fact that i haven't been blogging as much as i was planning to this summer. and now *sob* classes are starting tomorrow so who knows when my next blog will be!! *tear*. haha.
ok ok. enough with the drama.
so classes are starting and there's a whole bunch of stuff i'm looking forward to, along with a bunch of stuff i am quite dissapointed about. forgive me for not being much of an optimist today.
I'm excited to see my SU friends again and im excited about all the activities i plan to partake in. TAKE NOTE: I say plan because most of my plans sadly do not work out for one reason or another, like the fact that TODAY is the deadline for the submission of the application letter for The Weekly Sillimanian and I haven't passed the letter cause every time i go to the OIP it's friggin closed! haha. *sigh*. Second time this has happened. some things are just not meant to be! haha. but i shall overrule fate! you'll see! *evil laugh*.
Well..I'm staying in a new dorm now.. LARENA HALL. new faces, new dormates and to tell you honestly, i think i'm gonna miss carson! I don't want to compare or anything but it SEEMS like i might have a harder time making friends in Larena. Well, good luck to me! :P
So, today i've been thinking about topics i would have written about if ever i WAS a writer for the weekly sillimanian. haha. Yes, I am still hopeful. ;) and a bunch of ideas popped into my brain. lol. like the fact that what most people THINK is cool is sooo far from what actually IS cool. I won't elaborate cause i plan to do that if and when i will be a writer for the weekly. features writer maybe? hehe. I think i have to improve on my writing skills a bit more though. :P
Well.. I better get back to looking for an ecard to send to my dad, his birthday is on independence day.woot! That's the main reason why im in an internet cafe anyway. haha. or is it?;)
till next time!
*SOBNESS!!*

0n and 0ff..

2008-05-18T05:22:00.000-07:00

For the past few days i have been, well.. quite difficult towards some poeple. I don't know what gets into me sometimes, I mean my mood can go from calm to ballistic in a matter of seconds for one little thing that pisses me off. Then a few minutes later I go back to my happy go lucky self. I have no idea WHO or WHAT is taking credit to this odd behavior of mine but i'm starting to freak myself out..*gulp*.
Ok, I need to make a promise to myself that i will not succumb to these mild bipolar disorders i seem to be having. Well..i don't know if u can call it that since i go from angry to happy and vice versa.
Hmmm.. i have a conclusion to all this insanity! Someone has swooped down and captured the real stephanie and has replaced her with a clone with short hair and bangs reminiscent of/to DORA. 0.o
haha.. well, in the "illiteral" sense.
Someone has popped out from nowhere and has probably pushed me to the limit of what i can tolerate. I think things are finally settling in now though.
whoa, this post might be confusing if i reread it.. but i wont. I dont know if anything i wrote made sense. haha.
i just had to rant in some way.
u know what i need?
a punching bag. :)
if u could get me one..that would be GREEEAAAT.

Couch p0tat0-ness. :D

2008-04-29T03:37:00.000-07:00

whew. today just got a little bit cornier. haha. since i finished season 4 of one tree hill.. i decided to put my "couch potato" powers to another level by watching HAIRSPRAY. *shudder*. lol.
I must say, this was probably one of the CORNIEST movies i have ever seen, then again.. i like corny! hehe.
the songs sung in that movie are now etched in my brain and no matter what i do, i can't scratch em out! lol.
"Good Morning Baltimoooore"..
"Yah, I'm the Ladies Choice".. doo doo da! okay.. st0p it steph. haha.
it's creepy how i got SO hyper while watching the movie.. which is why i say that i have experienced being a "couch potato" in a whole new level. Instead of my butt sticking to the couch, i was jumping along and "dancing" to the s0ngs. LMAO. i don't know if u could call it dancing though. :P
This was one of those times wherein i made the most of my alone time. Instead of sulking and daydreaming i had a blast. haha!
Soo.. my message for today?
EHEM.
WATCH HAIRSPRAY. it's sure to get u off your ass!
whoops! did i just say the "A" word? GASP! :D

confusion has reached its peak.

2008-04-18T06:22:00.000-07:00

so this is the post where i rant and rave about that four lettered word we call LOVE. there are times when i feel ENTIRELY disconnected to everyone else because i have a hard time showing what i feel. more so when it comes to feeling "love" for someone else in THAT way. this is just something that puzzles me to no end. am i just destined to only be a friend? haha. woot! rhyme! i feel so corny right now! talking bout this creeps even MYSELF out. haha. see what i mean? there are times when i just CANNOT stand the mushiness of Love and the DRAMA that it brings. how can i begin to accept love in THAT way? i hope you know what i mean. I can love my family, my friends, my pets.. but there's one thing that i am still clueless about and i think you pretty much figure out what i mean. This post is an outcry! haha. i think there's something wrong with me. hehe.

IDEALISM.. a good thing?

2008-04-03T20:05:00.000-07:00

Yes, i did purposely put a question mark after "a good thing".. why? well, i happen to be a very idealistic person and i've sort of come to realize that there are times when that kind of attitude can totally backfire.
My dad, who pretty much supports me in everything I take part in is now opposed to the hint of "activism" that I realized I have in me. They say that you find yourself in college, i guess i did. I was never much of an activist although I did have strong opinions. When i entered college however, I felt that "activist" side of me slowly revealing itself. I tend to be attracted to organizations which aim to "make the world a better place" or "save the earth". Some people might think this is a good thing but I realized the bad side of it- i am starting to be way too idealistic. My dad told me that it's good to help but i shouldn't expect to change the world. I just wish that somehow it would be possible, especially to change the situation that the Philippines is facing right now. Although I am just half-filipino, i love the Philippines so much and I just really wish that the MDG's (millenium development goals) will be accomplished.
I joined the MDG summit which pretty much focused on these goals, it motivated me to really do my best to take part in orgs that aim to make a change for the better. I wish i could prove to my dad that this IS possible. His words that struck me the most was -"these organizations you join are all TALK and no ACTION". His thinking HAS to change and I plan to prove to my dad that we will put what we've said in the forums and conferences into action.
yes, i AM idealistic but i do believe in dreaming big and i will continue doing just that.

first blog (when i still have n0thing interesting to say)

2008-04-03T19:10:00.000-07:00

so..
i finally decided to try out "blogging" AGAIN. I actually have alot of blogs and i completely forgot about them. this time i'll try to be a little more loyal to my blog. :) (that was lame, i know). well, it's summer vacation for me! where days of boredom outweigh my days of stress! (which would you prefer?;])
In fact, I am at a loss for words right now.. which is quite unfortunate if i do say so myself! I mean i was like SUPER DUPER excited bout this new blog of mine and i can't even think of anything REMOTELY interesting to write about. I guess that's the beauty of a blog right? You can write whatever and who cares if people are content with what you write or not? One thing, I AM NOT, i repeat NOT using my blogspace for you guys to rant and rave at each other. Sure, this is public and the whole world could read what i write, but please..throw your tantrums elsewhere.:)
omg! (I used IM language, yey for me!) I am so psyched about this blog. haha. wish me luck! i plan to make blogging a daily habit. ^_^